The Purple Covered Notebook
by Twinings
Summary: Once upon a time, some girl got randomly kidnapped by the Joker, and it changed her life. [Notebook One]
1. Subject One

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize. That's why it's on fanfiction.net.  
  
The Purple Covered Notebook  
Or  
Diary of a Prisoner  
  
I love you Mommy, I love you Daddy I love you Celia, Barbara, Stephanie, Perry, Jesse Jason Michael Frances Am  
  
He came back. I think he's going to kill me. But I'm much calmer now.  
I think I've been here about an hour. I love you all and I hope you get to read this someday.  
  
Once upon a time, Liss was walking in the park thinking "I wonder if I will see Jason here?" When suddenly a man in a goofy clown mask ran by, grabbed her, and threw her in a van. The next thing she knew, she was in some old warehouse or something facing down...him. That guy everyone around here knows. I wonder if the other guy everyone knows will show up and save me?  
Jason has green eyes. Very pretty.  
  
I'm sitting here in a cell. I had a pen in my pocket and a notebook in my hand. I'm a writer, see, and you never know when you'll get an inspiration.  
Not that I ever do. Honestly, I'm a terrible writer.  
I want to go home.  
I've never been a great writer. I can do poetry sometimes. Shall I write a poem?  
  
No, nothing is coming.  
  
So why am I still writing? Nothing better to do I guess. And it keeps me from wanting to cry and babble like an idiot.  
WELL I'M SORRY, I'VE NEVER BEEN KIDNAPPED BEFORE.  
If.  
Dear God, here he comes again.  
  
Nope, I was wrong. Just one of his henchmen. I like the word henchmen because it sounds like it was invented by an evil six-year-old. (My favorite kind of evil.)  
You know I think my sense of humor may be growing back.  
Still want to go home.  
  
Slept a little while. Kind of hungry now. And I'm cold. It's October but I didn't bring a jacket. Didn't think I would be away so long.  
  
He came again. This time it was really him. The Joker I mean. He looked pissed as hell. He brought this really cute girl in a jester's hat. She looked pretty biffing terrified of him. I can't blame her of course, but she does work for him (I assume) so what does she have to be afraid of? I'm the one he's going to kill.  
He's going to kill me because he employs a bunch of idiots who can't even kidnap the right girl from biffing Gotham Park. So I'm not the one he meant to grab. From what I gather, he wanted some girl named Barbara. Not the one I know, I hope.  
Well this was a while ago. I wonder why I'm still around?  
  
Still alive. The Joker has green hair. I just realized that. Green is a beautiful colour, my very favorite. Especially dark, mossy green like that. Green like a forest at night. Green like Jason's eyes. He has beautiful eyes. Am I completely insane to be thinking like this?  
You know I honestly don't care. I mean hell, I'm going to die anyway.  
Batman won't save me. I bet he's not real. Even if he is, why save me? I'm not anybody. I'm not a commissioner's daughter. Barbara Gordon is. That's who they wanted. Why? Blackmail maybe? Or bait? Bait most likely. Batman is a good friend of her father.  
Oh whatever. This is like a stupid comic book or the TBS original movie. Maybe I mean USA original movie. You know, I don't even care.  
  
HOLY EXCREMENT.  
Well, they got her. Barbara Gordon. She looks nothing like me, of course. If I was evil I would hire some decent henchmen.  
There's that word again.  
They threw Barbara in here with me for a minute or two, but then the Joker got the idea that we would plot some fantastical escape together, so he had her moved. I still wonder why I'm still alive.  
Now Batman will have to come. Maybe he will save me, too. Or maybe the Boy Wonder will do it. Ha, ha, ha.  
Ok, that shouldn't be a joke. But anyone called Boy Wonder cannot be worth too much as a rescuer.  
I hate to be redundant, but I want to go home.  
  
He came to visit me again, but this time he looked really pleased. Maybe it's just that clown mask. No that was idiotic. He doesn't wear a mask, that's his face. But anyway, that big permanent smile.  
He's very graceful. Elegant, for a nutcase. I won't go as far as to say I have warm and fuzzy feelings for him, but he's so fascinating...  
...and green. Lots of green. And purple. Purple like a storm at twilight. Purple like a pretty bruise. White skin like paper. Like something that's really, really dead. Red lips. Like a hooker. Like blood.  
Like blood. 


	2. Subject Two

He came back and took this notebook and read it. It creeps me out when strangers read my stuff. I just hope he'll let my family have this after he kills me because I want them to know what happened.  
Maybe he won't kill me. I mean, I'm still here. He asked me if I wanted him to kill me and I said no, thank you. I think he liked that. He laughed. It was kind of creepy but it made me feel better. Is that weird?  
I think he was pleased by what I wrote in here. Was it because I'm scared? Or maybe that crack about Robin. I actually kind of like Robin, and Batman is my second favorite super hero. (First favorite, if we're going by the ones that actually exist.) My dearest Spiderman is fictional, as far as I know. Too bad, I bet the Joker would love him. Now that's a hero with a sense of humor. Of course it's more sarcasm than pies in the face, but still.  
Spiderman is the only one I still really like. I've been disillusioned about the Bat, and Superman seems completely unreal, Ozymandias turned out to be evil (actually he was more of a gray area, which is even worse), Nite Owl just wasn't that great (like a Batman wannabe), and Rorschach...he was unmasked. And I didn't like him without the mask.  
There's He-Man, too. But I don't really like him, just his nemesis, Skeletor. Hee, hee, hee.  
Oh, and the Flash. I forgot about him. Is he real or isn't he? I can't remember.  
Jeez I always go for the comic relief, don't I?  
  
Wow. I'm not cold anymore because he gave me a coat. It's green. That was kind of...touching.  
Oh and they fed me too. A turkey sandwich and a Dr. Pepper. I was afraid to eat it but I figured they wouldn't poison me like that, I mean, how boring. I don't usually drink Dr. Pepper, I like Pepsi, and I usually like chicken instead of turkey. But hey, I am definitely not complaining.  
I think something is going to happen.  
I will leave this here near the doorway and if I die I will trust that it will go to my family.  
I love you, everyone up there at the top of the page. Jason, I am in love with you. Maybe I shouldn't have written that. Maybe it would be better for you not to know.  
Someone's coming.  
  
My GOD! Batman is real.  
  
Once upon a time, there were two girls named Liss and Barbara. They were captives of a criminal who was both nuts and cool—he was, of course, the Joker. Yes, the Joker, the Clown Prince of Crime, whose arch nemesis was Batman and his two little sidekicks.  
It was storming outside when he brought the two of them outside and tied them to a...what was it, a water tower? They weren't tied very tightly, and Barbara started trying to escape the second he turned his back. Not such a good plan. They were so high up a fall would be more than enough to kill them. Liss saw this and didn't try to get free.  
Pretty soon, Batman and Robin showed up. Not Batgirl, but she didn't tag along much anyway. (Just a girl.) They were in the Batplane, naturally.  
The Joker's girlfriend stood on a little ledge between Barbara and Liss, who weren't standing on anything, just held up by their ropes.  
Joker offered Batman a choice: one of the two would have to die. But only one, if Batman could move fast enough to save the other. Which would it be? And Harley (that's her name) started cutting through the ropes. Barbara was yelling for Batman to get the hell out of there, it was a trap (well duh) and not to try to save her, there was nothing he could do. Liss was silent. She just watched.  
Liss was on the left, so she had the benefit of Harley's weaker hand, which meant Barbara's ropes snapped first. Robin jumped out of the Batplane, quite idiotically I might add, to save her. He got his arm around her and fired his batarang, or batapult, or whatever the hell that thing with the rope is, to latch onto the side of the tower and stop them from falling to their deaths.  
Of course the henches had guns, and one of them shot Robin. Right in the chest. They probably both would have fallen except Barbara was smart enough to grab onto the rope and him as soon as he got there. So there she was, hanging by a string and having to hold onto the Boy Wonder (or maybe just his body; he might be dead for all I know. In fact he probably is.)  
Then Liss's ropes broke and she was falling. It was exhilarating. It was almost a disappointment when her old hero swooped down and grabbed her in those big metal-crushing arms and the black cape wrapped itself around her, and they flew sideways, swinging from his rope until they hit the side of the tower. He sheltered her for a moment while the bullets tore through his cloak, none hitting flesh. Batman left her there, clinging to the rope, while the bullets followed him upward. He left her field of vision, and she was quite alone, but she could hear things. Guns. Screams. Someone fell past her, who, she didn't know. His scream didn't stop for a while.  
Liss had never been the patient type. She started to climb the rope. It was much harder for her than the Bat. But she made it.  
Yes, she did make it. Just in time to see the last of the henches go down. Only the Joker, Harley, and Batman were left.  
The Joker saw Liss and smiled (more). He grabbed her, pulling her tight against him.  
"Back off, Batsy, if you don't want the little girl to die," he said melodramatically like the villain in a very old, very bad B movie. Liss resented being called a little girl. Oddly enough, she resented that more than having her life threatened.  
The Joker laughed and jumped off the edge of the tower, taking Liss with him, as Harley followed. Liss nearly wet herself, but fortunately they landed on the purple plane that was coming up underneath them, and flew off into the storm to make more mischief another day.  
And the Joker still has a hostage.  
And I still wonder when I'm going to die. 


	3. Subject Three

He came to me again. This guy is really creeping me out. I guess I get to live for a while. Batman might come and try to save me again, and then Joker could trap him and kill him.  
Joker was pretty pissed when he came by today because Robin is still alive. He's in the hospital, wearing a gown and his robin mask. Identity still secret.  
Oh, he brought me a chicken sandwich.  
  
I don't like evil. Evil is bad. Honestly.  
  
They say Robin is going to recover. I'm kind of glad. If I was evil I'd say I've always had a soft spot for the kid (but I'm not evil.) Actually from what I can figure, Robin might be older than I am. Not more than a couple of years. Anyway I can't get away with calling him a kid.  
When I was a little girl I wanted to be Catwoman because she's cool.  
  
There aren't that many evil girls. Just Catwoman, Harley, and Poison Ivy. Harley's not the boss, Poison Ivy is a biffin environmentalist, and everyone knows Catwoman is Batman's girl.  
Why aren't there any good bad girls in this city?  
  
Oh damn. Blood pressure.  
  
Once upon a time there was a girl with low blood pressure. She was also anemic. Her blood was all screwed up. Because of the low blood pressure, every time she stood up she came close to fainting. She never noticed the anemia unless it gave her cramps in the feet. Therefore she was more scared by that dramatic low blood pressure even though anemia can kill you and I don't think low blood pressure can.  
If I wasn't afraid to ask for anything I would ask for chicken liver, spinach, and lots of salty stuff. I'd like a peach, but that's not medical.  
  
I guess the Joker got tired of coming to me because today he sent Harley to bring me to him. When I stood up I about passed out. She asked me what was wrong and I tried to stall her but she wouldn't back off. Jeez it's hard to hold this pen. I showed her the last page in the notebook. I don' know what will happen next. The threat of death is getting a little stale.  
Harley took me to him. I was feeling nasty and wished I could take a shower. He told me to sit down. I sat in a purple chair. The whole room was purple except for the bright yellow flowers in the purple wallpaper. Joker wore a purple trench coat, green pants. I like trench coats because they make me think of gangsters, machine guns, prohibition. I would love to hit a speakeasy. I was a flapper for Halloween once. Now I have a friend who calls me Flappie.  
We traded wisecracks for a while. I swear this guy is cornier than my dad. That's a good thing. I love my dad and I love his stupid jokes. Unfortunately I'm not so good at coming up with them myself. So thank you, Daddy, for watching Mystery Science Theater with me. I think the Joker was pleased, if not impressed, by my efforts.  
He didn't seem to have anything important to say to me. Maybe just testing me out.  
  
Harley came again. She took me out of the cell and I was positive she was going to kill me this time. Didn't happen.  
She brought me to this new room. Green walls. Green carpet. Big window—with bars on it. There's a very nice bed with a green bedspread. Lots of pillows. I like that. There's a dresser too, with a mirror.  
  
Sometimes I don't know what to think. My door is locked, but I am connected to a bathroom. With a shower. And in my dresser drawers are a lot of new clothes.  
  
I just took a shower. Now I'm wearing a bright stretchy suit like Harley's. No hat or makeup though.  
Someone's coming.  
  
Once upon a time the Joker came to Liss's room.  
"I see by your attire that you're ready to commit a crime. Are you really going to follow in my miscreantic footsteps? Who would you like to kill today?"  
Liss didn't know how to answer. If she gave a name, the Joker would probably really kill them. If she didn't, he would probably really kill her.  
He was getting impatient, but she couldn't come up with anything. Then, a flash of brilliance (she hoped.)  
"Sir Alec Guinness," she said, hoping he wouldn't kill her with that razorblade walking stick.  
He laughed. Insanely, but how the hell else is he going to laugh? Obi-Wan Kenobi, God rest your soul.  
Now I have a new nickname: Darth. Lady Vader to the henches. I wonder if they'll bring me any black clothes?  
  
They did! Purple, actually, dark purple, but an exact replica of Darth Vader's armour, cape and everything. No helmet.  
So am I a prisoner or a guest?  
  
Joker asked me who I wanted to kill today. I said Ottorino Respighi. Maybe that was a bad idea. Maybe now I'll be murdered in the shower. Maybe a knife will cut off my scream...and my head. (What a great line!) Psycho was the last book I was reading before all this. I'm actually kind of eager to see what happens next.  
  
Once upon a time there was a little girl named Liss who was visiting her Daddy at work. It was the second grade field trip to the art museum, and Liss was proudly telling all her friends about Daddy's work.  
Then the badguys showed up and held all the boys and girls at gunpoint while the other badguys stole the paintings. Batman got there and basically beat the shit out of them, and all the paintings got back safe and sound. This was back when Batman was still pretty new, and all the kids were trying to get a good look at him. In the fight between Batman and the baddies, a lot of shots were fired. And that's the story of why I limp.  
  
Why do I feel so xxxxing empty? Cussing usually fills me up for a while, you know, getting pissed. But manufactured piss is nothing to the real thing. I cuss and a second later I'm empty again. There's a big hole inside me and I just can't fill it up. Kill myself if it wasn't so much trouble.  
  
Joker came to ask me who I want to kill today. I didn't bother thinking of another dead person. I said (rather bleakly) "You know perfectly well I don't feel like murder today." He wasn't too happy about that. He reached for my notebook and I slapped his hand away and told him to stay the hell out of my personal business.  
That was the first time I've ever seen him frown. He whacked me a good one and I have to say I was pretty damn impressed. Mad as hell, too. I picked myself up and was about to beat the tar out of him (knowing full well I would be gunned down by a hench before I ever got anywhere near) when something occurred to me. I wasn't feeling empty anymore. In fact I felt ~!GREAT!~ And I wanted to keep feeling great.  
So I said: "You know who I want to kill, Joker?"  
That grin of his was beautiful.  
I named five or six idiots I went to high school with. Now I admit I feel guilty and I hope he didn't really kill them. But at the moment I was flying high. 


	4. Subject Four

Once upon a time there was a boy named Jason, and I loved him. He had beautiful green eyes that were sometimes blue and sometimes gray and sometimes dirty light brown, but usually green and beautiful, always beautiful.  
My eyes are always brown and sometimes beautiful.  
Jason probably has a girlfriend.  
  
"Who do you want to kill today?"  
I got brave and said no one in particular. Then I confessed my childhood dreams of becoming a jewel thief.  
  
Once upon a time there was a jewel thief known as Esmeralda because her first known job was the largest emerald in the world. She stole all the largest and most beautiful jewels in the world and kept them in her palace in Calcutta because that sounds pretty. She usually wore diamond tiaras and big emerald earrings, diamond and emerald most of all, but she also had sapphires, pearls, rubies, everything. Sometimes she came up against the Batman. Twice he caught her. Once she escaped him before the police arrived. The other time she was taken to jail, only to escape and rob a costume party later that night in my mother's black evening dress and my Barbie tiara.  
  
I left the place for the first time in...what, two weeks? I was blindfolded so I still don't know where it is. I wore my purple Vader armor and a jester hat like Harley's, only green, and Harley did my makeup: white face, deep purple lips, green around the eyes. It wasn't exactly clownlike, but I fit in with the henches well enough.  
When they took off my blindfold, I saw that we were at a jewelry store. A big one, The Jewel of the Seven Deserts I would guess though I never saw the name. The Joker put a gun in my hand and we (me, Joker, Harley, and a couple of big guys) went inside.  
It wasn't the kind of jewel thievery I meant, sneaking into a museum at night, alone, in black leather, getting past alarms and cracking safes and junk like that. But that's not Joker's style. Too much secrecy. He likes attention. Me, I want my privacy.  
This was not so bad. I felt a little overwhelmed. I really didn't contribute very much to the robbery. In fact I was kind of pathetic. When we got back in the car, Joker took my gun back (it didn't occur to me that I could shoot him.) He seemed disappointed that I hadn't made any use of it. (And how did he know that, I wondered.) Joker pointed the gun at me, telling me he was sorry I wasn't ready for a life of crime. He pulled the trigger.  
BANGO!  
(The little piece of paper said "BANGO!")  
  
So now I'm back in my little green room. I don't think I'll wear my Vader armor again. It makes me look like Batman. Dark Knight, you know.  
Joker is a tall man. I like tall men. Jason is tall. He has a sexy voice. I miss Jason.  
  
I wonder what he's doing? Joker never just does things. There's always a deeper meaning. There's a reason he's being so nice to me (it goes far beyond just letting me live.) Maybe I'll ask him. Yeah, and maybe he'll kill me. 


	5. Subject Five

I admit it: I'm getting a little bored. I would kill for a good book. And a good game of cards. I wonder if the Joker plays poker? (That was bad.) I'd really like to play Hand and Foot. I miss you, Steph.

We just got back from robbing a bookstore! Now _this_ is _fun!_ I dressed like Harley and she did my makeup a lot more clown. This is great!

Harley and I played Rummy. She was without her hat and makeup. She's blonde and blue eyed, too cute! And I won. I figured I should probably lose, but I just can't do it, I really can't. Not on purpose.

Harley Quinn can't be her real name (Harlequin.) Or maybe it is. I just don't know.

I hear Robin's out of the hospital, identity still intact. I heard by way of the Joker throwing a henchman through my wall. I helped the others fix it. I'm good with power tools if nothing else.

I didn't shoot anyone at the bookstore. Good thing because they gave me a real gun with bullets.

I just thought of a good reason for me to live, and it's not because I'm in the sequel.

Robbed a '20s themed nightclub. Wore a flapper dress. Left a trail 5 miles wide.

And now we're on the last page. If I had just brought my new notebook to the park that day, I wouldn't have had to write around old math problems and I would have had more time. But the ending would have been the same.

This is it. The end. I love you. You know who you are.

I've never been Bat-happy since I was seven years old, but Batman I am trusting you to save me.

This is Melissa Elaine Fahrde, signing off.

PS I don't want to be Darth Vader anyway, especially purple.

**My Dear Batman,**

**And so our dear friend has learned her secret just in time. A diary is a chronicle of a life, and with the end of her journal comes the end of her life. I must thank her for leaving enough room for me to write you this little missive.**

**Save her if you can, Bats. She's counting on you. Such trust! Too bad. I was beginning to like the poor kid.**

**Your Pal,**

**Joker**


End file.
